← Boundary Practice Lab · 7 minutes ·
A neighbour asks to borrow a tool, a relative asks for your car, or a friend needs the laptop you use for work. Before answering, identify what is yours to decide and whether you are willing to lend it. This exercise uses an ordinary fictional loan, not a dispute about legal ownership.
- Check: whose decision?
- Decide: lend or decline
- Reply: clear availability
The idea
A useful reply distinguishes “not available” from “available with conditions.” If you are not lending, say so rather than inventing complicated borrowing rules you hope the person will reject. If an item is jointly owned, consult the other owner instead of promising it. You may suggest a rental or another source, but you are not obliged to arrange one. Where safety, insurance or a formal agreement is involved, check the actual requirements; a friendly script does not replace them.
Try it yourself
You need your bicycle every morning and have decided not to lend it for a week.
This is an unclear loan arrangement, not the refusal you intended.
This gives a clear answer and one relevant reason without questioning the borrower’s character.
That attacks the person rather than answering the availability question.
Read all responses and explanations
You can borrow it, but never when I might want it.
This is an unclear loan arrangement, not the refusal you intended.
I am not lending the bicycle this week. I need it for my commute.
This gives a clear answer and one relevant reason without questioning the borrower’s character.
I would lend it if you were a better cyclist.
That attacks the person rather than answering the availability question.
A sibling asks for a jointly owned camera. You have not checked with the other owner.
Possession alone does not establish that you can decide for every owner.
You name the limit of your authority rather than making a promise on someone else’s behalf.
That invents their answer. Check rather than attributing a decision to them.
Read all responses and explanations
Say yes because you have the camera today.
Possession alone does not establish that you can decide for every owner.
I cannot promise it without checking with the other owner.
You name the limit of your authority rather than making a promise on someone else’s behalf.
Say the other owner definitely refuses.
That invents their answer. Check rather than attributing a decision to them.
Make it your own
Write a refusal for a fictional item. Then change the scenario: you would lend it for one afternoon with a clear return time. Write that separate agreement and notice how different it is from a no.
Your takeaway
- Item and ownership
- My actual availability decision
- A concise reply
- An optional alternative, if I want to offer one
- What requires another person’s agreement
No account required. Completion is saved only on this device. Answers and notes disappear when you leave or reload this page. The printable sheet is blank for your own notes.
Original practice for ordinary, low-stakes communication, not treatment or a guarantee about someone else’s response. Roles, existing commitments and safety can change the appropriate next step.
Further reading
Centre for Clinical Interventions: Assertiveness. Optional background on clear, respectful communication. These fictional scenarios, response choices and practice sheets are original editorial exercises, not copied worksheets or treatment.
Read the related journal guide · Continue exploring the lessons
Original educational content by Andrew Stinson Books, developed with AI assistance. Our editorial approach.